Here we go.
You`re on Facebook or Instagram aimlessly scrolling through your newsfeed over the weekend, too lazy to get out of bet and you see a picture of someone`s hand on her boyfriend`s chest, or a couple holding hands in a weird angle, a girl laughing/smiling/crying whilst strategically covering her face with her left hand or the famous backwards hand holding pose.
You don`t even have to read the captions nor do you need to see the endless comments of “Congratulations!”. You know what this hand means. And you become all Dj Khalid with ANOTHER ONE.
Suddenly, you feel this uneasy pinch in your gut. You`re happy for them. You`re checking out the ring, reading on how he popped the question and if it’s a close one, you’re screaming with so much excitement. But once all that is done, you`re no longer smiling and your screams turns into complete silence.
You don’t even know why you`re feeling this way. You can’t even remember when you decided that marriage was something you wanted. You graduated, you struggled for awhile, you finally got a job, you`re paying your bills and out of the blue, an engagement was something that should be the next step on your path to adulthood.
It was like a switch had flipped and suddenly everybody was getting engaged.
“What! But she`s so young!” –
“She isn’t that young. She’s the same age as you.”
You have no idea where the time went. You`re no longer twenty two and this is just what happens.
But now, only a few more years away to your thirties, the focus has shifted to finding a partner with whom you can make a serious, lifelong commitment and suddenly it seemed like all the good guys were gone or taken.
It’s an overwhelming thing to experience – everybody rushing to pair off and start a life together – and it often makes you feel like that’s what you need to do next. But when you actually think about it, you know you`re nowhere near ready but the feelings of urgency and panic have erased any sense of logical thinking.
This is happening for everybody else, except me. I’m screwed.
It’s hard not to be consumed by it – by the never-ending what-if’s and “I`m going to be 30 and still not married. I`m supposed to be next but my younger cousins are probably going to have their wedding before I do.”
It never used to bother me. I never used to care about marriage. I never thought about it to this extent so this feeling is just plain… weird and unexplainable. I realized that I needed to calm myself down and figure this out.
- This is not a game and nobody is winning or losing.
Nobody is better than you for getting married. Measuring your life up against anyone else is a waste of time and energy. You will never be them and they will never be you. Don`t use someone else’s life as the bar against which you should measure yourself and your own life.
- You’re allowed to feel weird about it. And then move on.
You will definitely feel like everyone else is getting married except for you. You might even feel worse about it when you sit to think about how it’s not even going to happen anytime soon. it’s not like all the single people are on one side of the fence, unhappy and depressed and worthless, and all the married people are on the other side of the fence, blissful and free of worry and completely at peace.
- Marriage doesn’t validate your existence.
Getting married doesn’t officially make you an adult. It doesn’t mean you’re successful. Marriage doesn’t mean progression. You don’t have to succumb to society’s norms or care about what anyone else is doing or saying. Learn to love your own company. Watch how much joy will come into your life the minute you stop trying to copy someone else’s life path.
- “Your time will come”
My mother told me this. We were on completely opposite sides of the globe. And via text, she told me, “Your time will come.”
She meant it in regards to finding and marrying the right one. Perhaps when I stop stressing about it, it will come. And after all these years, I’ve learnt exactly what I want and don`t want in a man and life partner.
- Continue building yourself.
Don’t stop with what you`re doing. Work hard everyday. Build your account, your character and personality. Buy all the things you want for yourself and travel the world! Meet up with your friends and joke about all the good and bad things about being single or married and cheers to every one of it. Cause you will never have this time again.
So in the meantime, I`ll keep living my best life until I find a man living his and then we`ll figure out how to combine them. I`ll have plenty of time to plan my perfect wedding. I`ve taken notes on every wedding I`ve been to and that adds up to quite a few 😛 I know what I want and what I won`t bother with. I know how I want my ceremony to go, and I have an idea of what I want my dress to look like. I`ve even got my bridal party planned out and all the people I DON`T want there. All that`s left is to pick the perfect wedding hashtag.