she’ll get the best version of you BECAUSE I got the worst…

It stings. It hurts more than anything ever to think why I was not good enough. Why was I just not enough. As we move on with our lives without each other, you’ll find someone. And I realized that she’ll get the best version of you, only because I got the worst. And you’ll love her so deeply and passionately, the same way you once did for me. At the very beginning. Only at the beginning. But maybe this time, it won’t be short lived like mine.  Maybe this time you’ll love her with all your heart… forever. Maybe this time you’ll respect her and appreciate her like she deserves. Cause for some reason it stopped being important to give me those basic things. 

She’ll get the best version of you because I got the worst. She’ll get the best version of you… just like that. You’re going to love her and treat her exactly the way I always wanted you to do with me. While I got the worst, I still chose to love you and be with you. I saw the monster inside of you. The monster you could very easily turn into. I saw the monster inside of me when I was faced with that. I saw all of the good, the bad, the ugly and continued to love you. And everyone in your life whom you’ve meticulously chosen to tell only snippets of the whole truth to lean in your favor, those people will love her too. They’ll respect her and accept her. Cause you’ll make sure of that wouldn’t you. You’ll protect her and support her and nothing would happen to her cause you’ll make sure of it. You wouldn’t hurt her the way you hurt me. You wouldn’t let anyone else hurt her the way I was. You’ll make sure of that. Cause this time, she’ll get the best version of you, because I got the worst. 

I`ll always wonder how you could possibly love someone else now after how you hurt me. I’ll always wonder why you could not choose me and love me right. I`ll always wonder why our love wasn’t worth it enough for you to support, cherish and protect.  I`ll always wonder why you felt it was fine to introduce me to the monster more times than the sweetheart. I`ll always wonder when I should have stopped accepting all the wrongs for right changes to be made. I’ll always wonder why she will get the best version of you while I got the worst. And then I realized, that it’s BECAUSE I got the worst, there is no other way for her to have you now, but at your best.

But it was also brought to my attention that I’m now the best version of myself too. And as lucky as she’ll be to have the best version of you, someone will be just as lucky to get the best version of me. No matter what you do or who you’re with, you will never be able to take away the fact that I got myself back

Maybe we had to be monsters to each other to learn how to love right. To learn how to love ourselves again before being able to love someone else. Maybe she’s exactly what you need that I wasn’t and could never be and that’s why you couldn’t love me right. That’s why you couldn’t love me, the way you’d love her. That’s why you could not treat me the way you’ll be treating her. Maybe we had to see and experience all the bad, to be able to notice how good it should actually be. It was just too late for us to give it to each other. If we could love the wrong person so much, imagine what it would be like, if we gave that love to the right one. It’s an unfair world that we’re living in and we don’t always get everything that we want. Some things are actually a blessing in disguise although it’s hard to see it that way now. 

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Nikku Sandhu

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